Across the world and across our cultures and varying circumstances we share many of the same daily rituals and sometimes we can be transported into someone else’s parallel moment. The experience can change us forever.
This morning in the LA Times I read about the tea ladies of Khartoum.
I read about their difficult lives selling tea over open fires on the dusty city streets.
I read about the songs they hum and sing as they set their fires at dawn and spread the last embers at sunset. These songs are the keepsakes from their villages and farms and the lush green hills of their past all lost now to war in Darfur.
I read about their choice to stay on in the city often without a partner at their side, threatened by violent and corrupt police, to eke out a few dollars toward their children’s education.
I read about a 40 year old sister with her last infant still nursing at her breast while she stirs the sugar into her customer’s tea. She worries about what will become of her children, unsure how much longer she will be able to work at her age or even how much longer she will live.
And then I thought about me sitting in my California kitchen struggling with the postmenopausal battle to accept my aging, the product of my ever increasing longevity.
How fortunate am I to live to fight this battle of vanity. How fortunate am I to fight it here in my home with its view to the sea.
I pray that the woman in the red shawl with the small children at her side lives long enough and well enough to cross to these years after 50. I know if she does she will live them with so much more gratitude than I do.
The grace to accept what we no longer have and what we no longer are and yet to sing or hum in the face of our present difficulty, is one valuable asset that has eluded me in my affluent western life.
If I could squat beside this woman tomorrow morning and sip her sweet tea I would offer her this:
May the sun rise many mornings on your smoky tea fire and may your wares be hidden long before the law arrives and may the can beside your feet fill with coins and may the valleys and fields of your past welcome you and your grandchildren home some day.
Thank you for my morning tea.
June Schwarcz
What do you see when you look past the edge of the work space you now occupy? Many of us are rethinking our retirement plans these days. There are economic imperatives. When I look at my post workforce financial situation I have to admit the IRA’s or RRSPs or any other acronym you want to use to describe what should be my leisure year savings account, is not quite up to par. But putting aside the Maslowian needs, I am so full of ideas I just can’t quit yet.
Or maybe I just don’t want to quit yet because now that I am not so concerned about what people think of my crazy ideas—there just seem to be so many more options.
The gene pool
I know I caught this attitude in the gene pool. My dad was still inventing in his 95th year. I am one of 3 sisters. My sisters are both are retired from long and successful careers as educators. Sister#1 is in her mid sixties and is what I would label as a Classic Model Retiree.
[Please note: there is no preference indicated by the numbering system, I am just trying to be organized and the vague age assignment is my feeble attempt to not out my sister’s ages.]
The Classic Model is deeply involved in caring for her grandchildren and her aging mother in law. She lives in the same home where she has lived most of her married life. When she is not at home she is skiing at her winter holiday home or gardening at her summer cottage on the lake. She fits in a little travel and some golf in between these activities, with her hubby who has been the love of her life since she was 16.
Sister#2
Sister #2 is in her mid seventies. I label her a Neo Modern Model Retiree. She completed her Masters in Divinity a few years after retiring from education, was ordained as Anglican minister and now works full time in a ministry mostly to the aged. She divorced shortly after retiring and has owned 3 different homes since beginning her new work and life journey, indulging in each, her hobby and considerable talent for interior design. Both my sisters are happy, contend and fulfilled in their very different lives as I am happy in mine. We are simply different in the choices we have made for our retirement years.
The list goes on
Here are three more examples of life in the retirement years. These ladies work in the arts. June and Elaine having achieved their 10th and 9thh decades respectively, trump my family retirement examples in inspiration and tenacity.
- June Schwarcz makes fabulous enameled vessels. She is 91 years old.
- Elaine Badgley-Arnoux is an accomplished painter. She is in her 80’s.
- Elaine Madsen is a film maker whose most recent project will inspire us all. She is 74 years old.
I particularly like how Elaine Badgley-Arnoux’s website tracks her work over the years reminding us that no matter what we do when we are 80 or 90 it is still a product of what we have been doing and being all along.
How you chose to fill your time in retirement is a decision best informed by self knowledge. When I take a look at how my sisters and I live today I see the girls we were many years ago at play in our decisions and I see that what we have learned about ourselves in the years in between has also shaped today. In my research for Fifty & Fabulous; The Best Years of a Women’s Life I found that many women in their 50+ years have more courage, more confidence and a stronger ability to sound out and follow their own voice. These traits may take you in a very different direction in your retired years than you ever imagined.
So bring that girl inside you to the decisions of retirement and check in with yourself and see what new self knowledge you can add to the mix and then look out—who knows where you will end up!
Fifty& Fabulous is Here!
“It will make you laugh out loud and, if you need reminding of your greatness, you’ll enjoy this.”
-The Sun Newspaper, UK
I am so excited to be able to offer my first book to my friends and associates on this side of the ocean.
The book released in the UK in Feb and will also be available in Australia/New Zealand and India over the next few months. If you dig hard enough I am told you may even find it in an English book store in other parts of the world…Or just go easy and click on the Amazon link of your choice.
Autographed copies signed by yours truly are available here
The style of Fifty& Fabulous, The Best Years Of A Woman’s Life is my style, honest and humorous and I hope engaging but it also has some real spiritual depth. My goal is to show with wisdom and wit how changing our attitude toward aging can help to reignite a woman’s zest for life and help her feel comfortable in her own skin. Yes!!
Makes a great Mother’s Day gift
The next step in my campaign to defy gravity and lift sagging attitudes about aging is:
The Fifty+ Fabulation Event scheduled to begin in Canadian, U.S. and UK cities Spring 2010
The first one is in Toronto May 18 at the Toronto Botanical Gardens… more info to come soon.
This has been a very rewarding experience, thank you for sharing it with me.
(Please share this email with your contact list and women’s organization with which you may be associated)
Ladies doing a lot more than just lunch
Fabulation: to engage in the creation of fables or magical stories…in this case the story of the rest of your life.
Jaki Scarcello international acclaimed author of Fifty & Fabulous; The Best Years of a Woman’s Life will kick off her Fifty+ Fabulation Events in Toronto May 18th 2010. Toronto, the city of Jaki’s heart has been chosen for this first event and she would like you or someone you care about to be a special part of the day at the beautiful Toronto Botanical Gardens.
Jaki is offering women 50+ (or those nearing that milestone) an experience with a celebratory twist.
The day is designed to change your attitude about aging and to bring you fearlessly and comfortably into your own skin.
The Objective of the Day: For mature women to embrace their current age (no matter what it is) and to gain the ability to welcome life as a continuously evolving and changing journey.
This promises to be a fun and worthwhile day out with a girl friend or as a treat for yourself!
A Great Mother’s Day Gift!
May 18th 2010. Toronto, CA
$325 Early registration
Contact Jaki directly to discuss event participation at:
310.374.3519 or jaki@fiftyfab.com
Jaki discusses Fifty and Fabulous on Conscious TV
Interview with the author
Sixty three year old Dame Helen Mirren is beating out 24 year old Megan Fox in the race for the Esquire Magazine title of Sexiest Woman Alive.
Is this a good thing? What do you think?
I am conflicted about this news which hit the popular press this week
Don’t get me wrong I am thrilled that Helen has protected her assets so well. She is an actor and that means she is in the beauty business and maybe she is thrilled to be in the running for a title coveted by many women of all ages.
But before I pop the champagne over Helen’s win I need to say that I am a little uncomfortable with her personal worth being once again increased based on the shape of her bust and stomach…or maybe it is her thighs they like.
Please… before we celebrate her potential victory let us also celebrate her talent, intelligence, wit, strength and vibrancy. Let us celebrate her, “I am not done yet …I have so much more to achieve” attitude. These are the attributes that make Dame Mirren a fabulous role model for women 50+
What do you think? Is Helen’s potential win a step forward for women 50+ or not?
Click here to view a vibrant discussion on this blog posting on vibrantnation.com
A few weeks ago the Los Angeles Times printed an interview with Gloria Steinem. In that interview Ms. Steinem gave her opinions on the current state of the women’s liberation movement.
It is not Ms. Steinem’s interview or opinions that I want to discuss in this posting but one reader’s response to her remarks and I quote:
“It’s time for Gloria Steinem to recognize the early stages of dementia. We’re not living in the 19th century anymore.”
“She and her fellow travelers need to think more about where to be buried than the so –called inequalities women of today are supposed to be facing.”
“Please tell her that the 60’s ended a long time ago”
The reader who responded to Ms. Steinem’s interview was unable to dispute Ms Steinem’s arguments with facts of his own. He chose instead the well worn path of indolent resistance when faced with an opinion which differs from yours…discrimination based on personal characteristic. He demeaned her personally and her argument by suggesting that her age made her incapable.
I agree with much of what Ms. Steinem said in her interview. Women have made enormous strides and there is still much work to be done to equalize pay and opportunity and to ensure that the issues of women worldwide are given equal time and consideration in policy making and personal strategy.
But Ms Steinem is a far better voice for that argument than Iam and my voice is needed in another direction…ageism.
Having fought a long and difficult battle to bring equal rights to women in the US and across the world Ms Steinem and her “fellow travelers” will now spend the mature years of their lives being victimized by yet another form of bigotry.
In Ms Steinem’s interview she makes the point that an African American president in the White House does not erase the huge disparity in health, income and employment which still faces many African Americans .She reminds us that racial prejudice is still a reality.
Yes, Meg Whitman ran EBay but many women still work beside men, in the same job, for less pay. Gender discrimination is still a reality.
And now it seems the media supports yet another form of discrimination. Have we learned nothing?
I am appalled that the Los Angeles Times would print this reader’s letter. I like to think they would not print a vicious racial attack on Ms Steinem and I like to think they would not print a vicious attack based on gender. Did they simply fail to notice what this reader was saying? Was it just slightly humorous enough to be worthy of print space?
I can think of many racial and gender based slurs which may have qualified for the same acceptance in the media 40 years ago.
If a woman of Ms Steinem’s stature is to be publicly demeaned for her age then all of us crossing the line to our mature years are in trouble. As the early feminists called us to stop the inequities and to stand bravely and to speak out for what we knew was right I call on us all to do the same thing now on the topic of aging.
v State your age proudly
v Share what you know today
v Show what you do today
v Introduce those who have not seen 50 yet to the vibrant world of opportunity which awaits them on this side of the hill.
We have a very important point to make and being heard on this topic will impact our futures and the futures of those yet to come…sound familiar sisters?
“Finding your way home begins with finally accepting first yourself and then the world around you”
This is a quote from the beginning of the final chapter of Fifty& Fabulous; The Best Years of a Woman’s Life.
In this chapter titled The Coming of Age of Grace I introduce the most remarkable finding of my interviews with the Women of the Harvest; the perfection of each stage of a woman’s life and the fact that the arc of life is one of transcendent transformation.
This was the most difficult part of the book to write. I was very moved by what was revealed to me in the interviews and I felt an acute burden to transcribe this accurately. How do you accurately describe anything that is abstract? You can only skim the surface of it with words and so much more of what it is lies behind the words we have to craft our descriptions
I was also challenged to present what I describe as a woman’s natural spiritual journey in life in a way that would not alienate readers. There are some who have no interest in the world of the spirit or who are even more actively opposed to anything that hints at a god or religion.
I hope I have presented the Age of Grace in a way that it can be included in the optional perspective on life after 50 which I offer all my readers. I also hope that I have honoured what The Woman of the Harvest told me and invited deeper exploration of this topic if the reader is so inclined.
On February 20th while in London for the release of Fifty& Fabulous; The Best Years of a Woman’s Life, I was interviewed by Conscious TV. Conscious TV is a UK internet TV station whose programming explores
an eclectic mix of interviews with teachers, authors and spiritual leaders from around the world.
I was very pleased by their invitation to be interviewed to explore my spiritual journey and my path to the book. Most of the interest in the book so far has investigated the much more pragmatic application of the findings of my interviews. It is good to shine a little light on the final chapters of the book and to explore what they may bring to the reader.
This was my first TV interview in quite a few years and I look quite terrified at the beginning…so if you watch this be kind!
My interview is listed under Life Stories- Authors- Jaki Scarcello
There are some fabulous women celebrated in this video from the Women’s Media Centre who do not seem to know that life and accomplishment is over after 50. My guess is they are too busy thriving to think about how old they are!